creating nourishing and ​connected community

It’s time to finally feel like ENOUGH in your relationships.

That you are enough. That you have enough. That you’re just the perfect amount of too much.

Stop editing texts and emails because what you had originally written felt like “too much.”

Leave conversations and interactions feeling nourished and at ease rather than lying awake that night wondering ​if you said or did the wrong thing.

Approach potential new friends or dates without fear that once they find out about your lack of relationship ​experience, sexual identity, dysphoria, anxiety, or any other thing that they’ll run for the hills.

Step out of the never-ending cycle of feeling like no matter what you do—no matter how hard you try in your ​relationships—it never feels like enough.

Experience the depth of community, connections, and intimacy that your heart longs for.

For as long as I can remember, a feeling of ​not enough dominated my relationships.

I felt anxious about responding to texts with the right words and within the right ​time frame. I constantly felt like I wasn’t showing up in the ways that my friends ​really needed. I would spend hours analyzing interactions and conversations I had ​with folks, wondering if I had said or done something that would negatively ​impact how they felt about me.

This feeling of not enough often carried over into how I felt about the relationship ​as well: we never spent enough time together, I wanted more physical or sexual ​intimacy, and although some of my emotional needs were being met, there was a ​pervasive feeling that it just wasn’t quite enough. I wanted more nurturing, more ​care, more presence, more being a priority.

Simultaneously, I also felt like I was too much in my relationships. I took up too ​much space. I needed too much. What I was asking for was unreasonable, whether ​it was asking for a need to be met by someone or setting a boundary in a ​relationship.

I found myself in relationship after relationship where both threads of this story ​were confirmed: that I was both not enough and too much.

Photo taken by Kim Kantor

This sense of not enough followed me around like a dark cloud. I was acutely aware of it and was working hard to address it (i.e., ​make it go away). Not only was I in therapy, I was an active participant in other healing communities as well.

I consumed an immense amount of books, podcasts, and social media content on relationships, hoping to finally find *the thing* ​that would shift this perpetual feeling of being not enough and too much. I was a voracious student of attachment styles, ​boundaries, non-violent communication, resonant language—literally: you name it, and I probably read a book about it or ​listened to a podcast episode on it.

I ended relationships, thinking that the feeling was specific to the dynamic of that particular relationship. It’s true that some of ​those relationships weren’t good fits for me, but it was also true that after a while, that familiar story would show itself in ​another relationship. It was like a never-ending game of whack-a-mole.

I couldn’t understand how this pervasive feeling of not enough kept showing up: I had so much awareness of its presence in my ​life, I was working on it in therapy, and learning all of this new information and skills.

It wasn’t until I shifted how I was relating to my sense of not enoughness—both internally and how it lived in my body—that ​things finally began to shift for me. When I added those two things to the relational skills I had already learned and continued to ​learn, my relational landscape began to change dramatically.

I began finding communities and people who actually had capacity to ​meet my needs.

I didn’t have to labor to have even my most basic needs for connection ​met. I felt confident showing up as I was and connecting from that place.

I could discern much more quickly and clearly when I met folks who ​weren’t going to be a good fit for me, and I was able to move on from ​them with ease; I stopped taking it personally.

But most importantly: I finally felt like enough.

My relationships felt like enough. I could ask for what I needed with ease ​and confidence—as if this was just a natural thing folks did in ​relationship—without pouring over a text for hours or days sometimes.

I felt nourished. Full. Connected.

The story of not enough is insidious and exhausting, but I don’t need to tell you that.

It shows up and impacts your relationships in ways you don’t even recognize.

• You won’t swipe right on or send likes to certain people on dating apps.
  
• You won’t ask certain folks to coffee or follow up on new friendship leads.
  
• You take others’ behavior personally.
  
• You do the bulk of the emotional labor in your relationships.
  
• You stay in relationships that aren’t a good fit because you don’t believe there are folks who have the capacity and desire to ​meet your needs.
  

Relating from a place of enoughness will shift your relationships dramatically.

No more working hard to get your needs met. Less anxiety about doing or saying the wrong thing. More resting into the truth ​that you’re already enough. More trusting that your relationships can hold your imperfections. More feeling a deep sense of ​nourishment in your relationships.

More connection. More intimacy. More enoughness.

Relating from a place of enoughness changed my experience of relating so much that for the first time ever I'm going to be ​delivering a 7-week training breaking down how to go from not enough or too much to ENOUGH.

Over the course of 7 weeks,

I’ll teach you:

• How to identify the roots of your not enough story
  
• The somatics of not enough and how this shows up in ​your day-to-day
  
• How your wounded parts carry the story of not enough ​and how this is showing up in your relationships right ​now
  
• How to unburden your wounded parts from this story
  
• How to ground the feeling of enoughness in your body
  
• How to apply all you learned to your present-day ​relationships
  

We’ll meet weekly for 90 minutes on Sundays from

11am-12:30pm CDT via Zoom.

We start on Sunday, September 15.

I plan on selling this offering for $800 but for this time ​only, 8 founding members can join for just $300.

Testimonials

“Investing in my healing by signing up for coaching with Grey was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Their approach to somatic healing helped me to realize those feelings of safety had to come first from within, and showed me how to locate those sensations in ​my own body instead of looking for confirmation outside of myself.

Using the day-to-day situations that would naturally arise between our sessions as a jumping off point, Grey gave me the self-inquiry tools to gently question ​and dismantle my inherited, unconscious beliefs around obligation, productivity, and perfectionism in real time, and guided me through the challenging ​process of coming into relationship with the survival and coping patterns I’d learned from growing up in an abusive household.

In just six months of working with Grey, my interactions with others have become more boundaried, grounded and rooted in authenticity. I have a greater ​capacity for being in conflict by virtue of being in relationship with my triggers and trauma responses. I now show up to my relationships, including my ​romantic partnership, feeling resourced and supported in ways I never dreamed possible.

Exorcizing long held trauma patterns is triggering and exhausting. As Grey often reminded me during our sessions, this work is not easy, it’s not for the faint ​of heart. It requires a radical level of honesty and vulnerability with yourself that can feel wildly uncomfortable at times. But having Grey in my corner to hold ​me through those difficult moments each week, to celebrate my wins, to witness me in all my glorious, messy becoming helped me to find the courage to keep ​going.

The magic of working with Grey is to behold their ability to hold space for whatever is coming up for you in any given moment with easy confidence, care, love, ​humor, and sensitivity. Their presence is infectious – it’s impossible to come away from a session with them without noticing some of that uplifting, expansive ​energy rubbing off on yourself. My inner critic finally found its match in Grey Doolin. Their ability to model what it is to love into all parts yourself during our ​sessions was permission giving in ways that have changed how I will relate to myself forever.

If you’re in the market for a coach or, like me, you’ve exhausted yourself seeking out healing modalities for your physical and emotional discomfort that ​actually work, I can’t recommend Grey Doolin enough. The results truly speak for themselves.” ~Emily S., 1:1 coaching client

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Photo taken by Abi Sutcliffe Photography

About Grey Doolin

Grey is a trauma-informed writer, facilitator, speaker, coach, and ​consultant. Their work centers around supporting LGBTQ+ folks to ​create healthy and nourishing community. They also work with ​LGBTQ+ organizations of all types and sizes to better understand ​how to cultivate a greater sense of belonging for folks within the ​organization and the folks they serve.

A radically authentic and rigorous visionary, Grey is a spiritual ​seeker and devotee of their healing path. They are dedicated to ​reimagining community beyond cycles of trauma and harm. They ​have a master’s degree in Counseling and 6 years of PhD-level ​training as a therapist. Grey's approach is informed by parts work, ​somatics, nonviolent communication, and their own experiences as ​someone in trauma recovery.

They are the creator and facilitator of Heartbroken Open Mic—a ​first-of-its-kind trauma-informed and somatically aware open mic ​space—dedicated to helping LGBTQ+ folks name the truth of what ​hurts and repair disconnection with themselves and others.

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